Swallowing marbles

After love,
Is bled dry,
And a diamond has been chipped,
Into a perfectly round marble,
It sits in a pocket of your gut.
A universe hidden inside glass walls,
A storming summer sunset hidden beneath melting ink,
It constantly rolls around the throat.
A penny in a pie,
A pointed lid forced back into its glass bottle.
I can bury it deep down,
Shove it underneath organs like packing a bag too small.
But sometimes,
And only,
Sometimes,
Your voice,
A photograph,
That song,
Urges the tiny glass circle up the elevator of my oesophagus,
Back up to the top of my tongue.
A pinball machine spitting out all I’ve buried.
All that was left to rot in an open box,
Now fermented.
Sour taste on un-wanting buds,
The most terrible sharp candy,
Oozing slowly through the lines of my teeth.
A taste that doesn’t leave for days,
Reminding me that like a child,
You never said yes,
You never said no,
You kept me locked to your heart,
A soul miserably stuck to a soul.

Swing

We spoke on the phone for half an hour
You sounded sleepy and delicious.
I sipped from my beer bottle,
Kicking the peat underneath,
The hovering swing seat.

It’s so tough,
We talk of her like a woman in the way,
And you say, I miss you,
But we still have our island,
It’s still there.
Just out of reach,
And my drunken heart weeps.

It’s so depressing that the best part of my week,
Has been this call,
You could only make it,
Because you’re alone.
You don’t make it easy.
Everyday I have hated you,
Except today,
When I fell in love with you all over again,
Dust, tears and peat on my naive feet.

War Hero

Never give up on someone who you think about all the time.
Never give up.
But then,
You do give up on everything else.
I’ve become the lover of loneliness whilst loving you.
I’ve punctured the prospect fate,
I’ve broken knuckles with love
My heart cries solider on,
My brain weeps for the white flag,
Second round, third round, fourth round,
Heart pounding, nerves quaking,
Can love really prevail?
Does it all ring true in the end?
Follow your heart
But it will be all that’s left of your body.

You know

You know when you really love someone when you don’t hate them for breaking your heart or tearing your soul or devouring your mind.

A lost cause

I’m so alone in darkness and disappointment.
I don’t know who to love or what to do.
Feeling trapped in wire cages of my own folding.
I can see through the minuscule gaps the laughs and loves of others.
Turned up mouths and shining eyes that appear so foreign and out of reach to my own frosty pupils.
I can’t imagine happiness anymore, the giant on the other side of the wall. The troll under the bridge.
Growing hate like soft moss, growing insecurity and fear as ivy traps a house.
I’m a lost cause.
Done.
A man in a river with cement for feet.

Grey swirls

I’m having a bad day.
Grey swirls
Tipping edges
Sounds drowning
There will be no tunnelled light
There will be no kiss
No happiness
Just myself in rolls of grief
What’s the point in the ticking of time anyway?

Water on pavement

Dear my broken heart
Dear my loneliness
Dear my hurting fingernails and wet eyelashes.
I’m sorry for everything
I’m sorry for ignoring you
I’m sorry for pulling you up and bending you out.
I’m sorry for building up your dreams and shattering them again.
Pottery on floor.
Water on pavement.

White wine

I’m fat and drunk and furious
Of course you don’t love me
I’ll drink till I’m blind
And kiss the darkness goodnight

I will never be free of you

Alone
Drunk
Half past midnight
Down the dark road
I picture you at the end
Silhouetted
You wait
Smile on face
And I find myself running to you
Non existent arms
Scuffling for keys
Doorway
On my own
I will never be free of you

Thinking of you

I think of you too much,
I feel brainwashed,
I can’t stop,
The ticking of time,
And you always,
Right behind my eyes.

If you could just leave my head,
And become reality,
Phantoms of what could be,
What has been,
What it seems,
Will never be.