Birthday

I turned 26 yesterday.
You phoned me to tell me I was getting old.
I laughed,
Stretching legs out in the hot bath.
Listening to your soft growl,
Wondering, if and how,
I will ever see you again.

It would have been the most glorious present.
To see you at my door, tired, spent,
But smiling and eyes like the rapture.
I’d have you all to myself till the day after,
When I’d have to give you back.
Birthday gone,
Now back to the old hack,
Of you and her,
and me.
On the edge of your circle,
Limping like a wounded tigress.
Watching and yelping , nothing less,
To do, but scream,
For you.
Happy Birth
Happy Day,
Remember I’m not yours,
I just can’t say.

The knife

 

If you haven’t had your soul ripped apart by poetry,

You haven’t experienced poetry.

 

If you haven’t had your soul ripped apart by love,

You haven’t experienced love.

Nude ripped, eyes torn, cheeks chewed,

Sitting on cold tiles with sunburnt skin,

I often think of you,

Sitting opposite a flame,

Turning silverware in hardened hands.

You’d never touch the brown flesh on your plate,

You hate the blood,

The carcass smell,

The flaked deep texture,

But my flesh,

My heart,

You’d take that knife and tear.

Shred through the veins and open it’s vessels,

Flopping, lifeless tubing rubber between gnashing teeth.

The glory of the tormented lovers,

The knife so sharp it rings.

The shrill beneath used china plates.

 

Zodiac

You’re a mystery
But loyal,
You will never make the first move.
I’m cold,
Indecisive,
Terrified of getting hurt.
Truth in the horror
Scoping out for answers,
Trying terribly to predict if I should
Tell you how I truly feel.
Even the signs are confused,
He’ll flee if put on the spot,
But he’ll never open up.
So I guess,
As always we’ll remain.
Like old pond water,
Unmoving,
Stagnant,
Decaying but growing,
Nothing can predict,
No one knowing.

The Professional

He told me that you would break my heart,

He said you didn’t really care,

You’d never in a million years leave her.

He said that I was a stupid kid

Icing on your cake

He said it would be foolish of me to wait.

To keep my heart hanging for you

He said he knew, he’d done the same,

Six years she’d been waiting

And never was anything, ever -changing.

She had crawled away with more damage

Then I could imagine

And he didn’t care,

So he’s telling me straight he’s telling me now,

Take my eyes, my smile, my brow,

They’re too good for the dark corner,

Don’t be satisfied with the second- rate kiss

You’re armed,

You know what you’re doing,

He can smell the death of me brewing.

Tell me

 

Tell me I’m a good person

Tell me that I’m wanted

You set me up slowly

Placing me higher

As if I could fall any lower

As if I can I can tell myself that it’s getting easier

There ‘s too many women

 

There’s too many women that are cursed by love

The brilliance of light and the great wallow of shadow, lurch across them daily.

A strong heart and an unbalanced whisper shuts out all reality

What will ever become of these great tales that cling to breasts and fade to history?

 

These poor bones that have crumbled to dust, will never be whole again,

Not even if all of life continued for eternity.

You look at girls and you can see the fall in their eyes,

We are never strong enough,

We are never cold enough to shut out all breath.

I often stare into the mirror and try to tear out the awe that I feel for you.

But I can’t,

I can’t bare to even wonder how grey my day would be without you.

 

Without your thought,

I no longer have the cotton wool cover, the safety net, the ratty leash.

Holding back and guiding through,

Everything,

All times.

 

 

All dedicated and fought true,

For the prospect of you.

 

 

In tears

You know that I meant everything I said

Kissing my neck in the dark

Drowning in music

I love you

Then show me

I just want you to hold me

But I don’t give it up

And you

You strip my top from my chest

You throw it at me

Door slammed

And the tears come pouring

I hate having you like this

Why?

The uncontrollable fusion

It’s like we’ve had sex

And I shake

And I beat

And I want your hands everywhere

But my poor heart can’t bare it

You leave me alone

In tears

In pieces

My own being hardening with injustice

Old furniture out in the rain

One question burns on my lips

 

Dear Orpheus

Dear Orpheus

 

You lulled me into a trance

All I could hear were your glorious words

That fell

Like ivory piano keys

From wise ripened lips

You promised me the earth

On that sinful

Hot evening

That came on the back of

Your wood nymph

Brushing my chest with

White dandelions

Under a midnight sky

That was peppered with white- hot stars

That sang with

The aching music from your lye

Which ruptured

Between

 Every joint

In every bone

In both our bodies

 

And

From this

I didn’t think

That your beautiful talent

That fermented and shone and sat in your chest

Would lead me to that terrible day

In which

That razor leaf of despair

Split my poor life in two

And so I waited

And wondered

And then finally you took my hand from all of the hell

That you had made for me

And you did that thing that you promised you wouldn’t

Leading me through the burning rocks

Leading me on

Leading me on

Into what I thought was the light

Until you,

In your selfishness

Stopped

You betrayed me

Furiously turning backwards

Unable to help yourself

You made me loose myself

In all this hell

I disappeared

Leaving only the trace of my tortured feet in the dust

I had lost you forever

And you had lost the girl you had fallen for

 

So now you

 

Sing for the bruised, broken and lost

At your own battered cost.

 

 

Eurydice

Beatrice

 

I like to think that you

My poet

Married your Gemma

Against balanced

Cobbled stones

And

Sacred Florentine puddles

When life forced you

To cross that bridge

The one

Filled with great gold jewellery

Reflecting lights and waves

But nothing as beautiful as

The look you gave me

But My Poet

Had already been taken

Wrapped on Gemma’s finger

Her own great gold bind

And with every meeting

Those cobbled stones cracked

Like Gemma’s heart

She didn’t flow from your pen

Nor from your blood

Poor wretched badly timed Gemma

And I’m sure in the night she kissed her

Stained white sheet and whispered in the dark

Poor wretched badly timed Beatrice

I don’t listen to sad music anymore

 

I don’t listen to sad music anymore

It reminds me that we are doomed.

I want to fry alive in our fire

I can’t imagine

Crawling away

Broken and burnt from our flames

Dead scorched earth. 

Bones baked and broken 

It makes me feel sick

A Phoenix ending. 

I want to boil within you

Tied to your stake

For good.

Soft flesh falling away

Blackened feet

Melted hair 

A martyr

For these ashes

That will blow so far 

Forever forgotten.